Out On That Open Road
by Draic Kin of the Balance
Summary: Eight years. Eight years have passed since Dean showed up that night to tell me that Dad was missing, and yet, it feels like years ago and just yesterday it happened.


**Out On That Open Road**

**By CasterChroniclesLover**

* * *

"_I hear the birds on the summer breeze,_

_I drive fast, I am alone at midnight._

_Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble,_

_But I, I've got a war in my mind._

_I just ride, just ride,_

_I just ride, I just ride._

_I'm tired of feeling,_

_Like I'm fuckin' crazy!_

_I'm tired of drivin',_

_Till I see stars in my eyes!_

_All I've got to keep_

_Myself sane, baby,_

_So I just drive, I just ride_!"

–Lana Del Rey, _Ride _

* * *

**Sam**

Eight years. Eight years have passed since Dean showed up that night to tell me that Dad was missing, and yet, it feels like years ago and just yesterday it happened. Dean and I, we've been through so much together since. It's a miracle we're still alive with our sanity intact. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, angels, demons, the Devil…we've seen it all.

…And lost so much along the way. When I'd left for college, I'd thought it was for good. I'd had my whole life planned; I'd marry Jess, build a family, live the normal apple-pie life I'd been yearning for. That I _still _yearned for. I can't help but wonder if it's even in the cards for us—my brother and I—to live a normal life, our only concerns being on time for work and picking the kids up from school. Not whether or not I'd make it through these trials alive so Hell's gates could be closed forever. Dean had the luxury of the apple-pie life when he'd been with Lisa and Ben, but I'd taken that from him when I'd popped up after Castiel pulled me out from Lucifer's Cage. Sometimes, I can't help but think that it was a mistake on my part to show myself to my brother—but then again, I'd been a soulless dick at the time.

But, in the end, our lives are filled with dozens of _what ifs. _We're Winchesters. We've never had it easy, never caught a break. We've lost everything and everyone: Mom, Jess, Dad, Jo, Ellen, Cass, Bobby, _each other _and it seems that it never ends. I'm tired of it all, and I know Dean is too. I'm tired of driving until I see stars in my eyes, tired of the war in my mind, and Dean is the one thing I've got to keep myself sane.

* * *

**Dean**

Sammy. I've been looking out for that kid ever since we were youngsters. It was my job—it still _is_ my job. We're all we have now that Bobby's gone and Cass AWOL. I'd die for him, hell, I _have _died for him. We've been through so much shit in our lives, more than anyone should have to deal with. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of grabbing one of our guns and putting a bullet through my brain, of just ending it all. But, do you know what kept me from going through with it? Sam. I wouldn't—_couldn't_—do that to my baby brother. I loved him too much to put him through the pain of having to bury me again, losing someone else he loved. God knows how many times we've had to do it. Lose a loved one, I mean. It's all part of the Being-A-Hunter Package Deal, and it sucks.

You could die today, you could die tomorrow, but I'd stopped caring about my life a long time ago. All that mattered to me, that still matters, was Sam's life. I've never admitted it to anyone, but I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy. I'm tired of it all, of the hunter's life. My heart's been mangled and broken and sewn back together again so many times over the past eight years. I hate to sound like a teenage girl pouring her heart out, but I don't think I can take much more of this. Driving fast and alone at midnight, it's hard not to get into trouble. After all, I'm a Winchester. We Winchesters…we've never had it easy. Our entire lives, we've been fighting a war. A war with each other, angels, demons, God. We've been fighting for so long, and I…I'd lost my will to fight somewhere along the line. The only thing that was keeping me going—keeping me alive—was Sammy. My dad had drilled it into me to always take care of him, but I never needed him to tell me. Taking care of my brother has always been second nature to me. As at war with myself as I was, I'd learned from him just to ride. But I didn't need to ride when it came to looking after him.

We were fucking crazy, but we were not free.


End file.
